Out Liberal-ing Liberals: A Guide to Shutting Them Down and Getting a Laugh

Ok, so this comes with a caveat about in what company you do this. I did this at work, which was a risky move on my part that could have easily backfired, so use your judgment. If you’re with a crowd who will go to HR for discrimination, best refrain. Otherwise, the key is keeping a straight face and staying in character. Stand your ground, no matter how absurd the things coming out of your mouth.

One of my best moments thus far came when two of the leftiest people in my branch were doing an online training on the computer behind the teller line. It was a training video, so campy and low-quality are par for the course. One the “stars” of the video-activity-game-thing was a black associate dubbed “Will Smith” and as you progressed through whatever this thing was (I skipped to the test, so I personally was not subjected to this part), “Will Smith” gained pieces of a superhero costume, including an afro. Lefty 1 and Lefty 2, who were already uneasy with “Will Smith”, felt the afro was a bridge too far. They both felt it was unconscious racism, white privilege, etc, etc, ad nauseum. This is about where I got nosy and looked at the screen over a shoulder (it’s a bank, it gets real boring real quick, I gotta entertain myself somehow). I shrugged, not seeing what the BFD was, other than the video was about average for cheesiness. Lefty 1 thought to educate me to just how egregiously racist this video was and I simply said any situation can be egregiously racist depending on perspective. Truly, I was trying to be diplomatic since I typically avoid politics at work. Thus began out liberal-ing the liberals. My God it was fun.

Step 1: be contrary. Find that stubborn, irrational place in your mind where your adolescent self retreated and spitefully refused any and all comfort or solutions.

Lefty 1: If his name was Gerard Depardieu, there’d be no expectations of his race.

Me: Gerard Depardieu is a French name and a white French actor. France was a slave-trading nation which worked its slaves at backbreaking labor on sugar plantations in the Caribbean and colonized much of North and West Africa during the Age of Imperialism. Are you suggesting an African-American take the name of his oppressors?

Don’t be afraid to put them on the spot. Make them play by their own rules and keep directing the conversation back within those parameters.

Step 2: adopt their narrative. This part takes a little know-how, you have to be at least passingly familiar with SJW talking points, but since it’s mostly based on feelings, you can fudge it a little. A bit of historical or cultural background helps.

Lefty 1: ok, but an afro? Why not straight hair or a buzz cut, something not stereotypical?

Me: now you’re imposing white male beauty standards on an African-American. The afro is a piece of classic African-American culture from the 1970s and Hollywood’s Black Exploitation period. Giving him hair characteristic of a white male is denying that culture as well as implying an afro is somehow unattractive or unsightly.

It doesn’t have to make perfect logical sense, just be emotionally evocative and loaded with buzzwords. It’s very effective to gradually muster an air of righteous indignation and moral outrage. Go easy though, you don’t want to blow up too fast.

Step 3: go on the offensive. You can draw out Step 2 as long as you want, but I don’t recommend taking too long. Some of them are smart enough to catch on to your mockery. Once you’ve achieved the appropriate level of offended moral superiority, turn it around on them. Don’t name call, but delicately imply that they are in fact whatever -ism you’re discussing- with the seeming disappointed disbelief and betrayal that they could be so horrible.

Lefty 1: why not leave him bald then? Why did they have to make it so obviously stereotypical?

Me: are you saying African-American culture has no place being represented in training media? Does such obvious representation of the African-American community make you uncomfortable because of your whiteness?

At this point, the Lefties admitted defeat and backpedaled, extricating themselves from the mess of their own making. If you’re a particularly good actor, you can really make them sweat if they believe you’re actually offended and they’ll apologize. The hardest part is not blowing it by laughing at the absurdity.

The point in this is to beat them at their own game. The Left prides itself at using rampant emotionalism to stifle free speech and free thought. This exercise is good for conservatives so we learn how the Left thinks, as well as familiarizing ourselves with their tactics so we can adapt them. More on that to follow.

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